Now, any student of life knows that statisticians would put the odds of such an occurrence at 50/50, but you and I know the probability of a batter-side down landing are much closer to a guaranteed, unassailable 100 percent – Murphy’s Law being firmly in control of such events. Have any of you ever fumbled a piece of jelly-coated toast and not have it end up stuck to your shoe after smearing a crimson trail of raspberry goo all over your white shirt and slacks on the way down? Four minutes before a possibly life-altering job interview?
Speaking of job interviews, one time I was proudly displaying my portfolio of work to a potential employer, when, as I flipped the page a corner caught my eye and scratched my cornea. Probability of that happening? Once in a lifetime, but that was my “once.” I finished the interview with a hand clasped over my madly tearing eye, putting on the best face that I could, but for some reason I never got a call back. People who can’t even turn a page without sustaining grievous bodily injury don’t make the most appealing candidates for employment, I guess.
But, my all-time example of beating the odds, an event so astounding that it remains burned in my memory crystal-clear a quarter of a century later, occurred at a friend’s bachelor party. You may not believe it could even happen, but I’ve got photos and a score of half-drunken eyewitnesses to back me up. The usual mayhem was going on at a typical stag party the night before the big event. There was much consumption of substances designed to negatively affect performance by many young men in their early 30s who, being confident of their own immortality, were determined to ingest mass quantities of said substances. The funniest thing we did that night was rearrange all the photos in the living room (the groom was still living with his parents) knowing our friend would never notice, but there would be a lot of “splaining” to do the second his mother walked into the room.
But I digress.
The Set-up:
Getting back to “the Event” as I call it...On the fireplace mantle sat a full bottle of beer. Behind the beer was a photo or piece of cardboard of some kind (details are a bit fuzzy.) It was a beautiful summer night and the windows were open. Suddenly a breeze whooshes through the room, blowing the picture and beer bottle off the mantle.
The Miracle:
The beer bottle fell four feet and landed upside-down on the stone hearth below, where it did not shatter, hardly spilled a drop of beer, did not tip over, didn’t even foam that much. It just sat there. An inverted glass bottle half full of beer, laughing at us mortals who were staring in slack-jawed amazement at its wonderful impossibility.
Moses parting the Red Sea probably had the same effect on the Israelites...“WTF, Mesheklabob! Did you just SEE that?”
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