Tall Tales & Short Stories

These stories are, for the most part, purely fictional. On the few based on personal experience, names have been changed to protect identities.

©2017. All rights reserved. Reproduction of any sort without express written permission is strictly prohibited.

Hi. I hope you enjoy this collection of short stories. And, if you don’t, at least have the good grace to keep your misguided, deranged opinions to yourself! Please pass this blog around to everyone you know. Even the best writers suffer through a mountain of rejection slips before they get that first piece published, and I’m not pretending to be in the same league with the best writers, so this is probably the only way I’ll ever get my stories distributed.

I also realize that some of these stories are getting a little long in the tooth, many were written years ago and my attitudes have evolved a bit since I was in my twenties and thirties. Half of the references are hopelessly outdated. Someday I’ll take advantage of my mass quantities of free time (ha!) and update my stories (but don’t hold your breath ’til I’m retired).

A note: When I was in college, I cartooned for my school paper and was regularly harassed by middle-linebacker types who didn’t like the subject matter of the week. Come on folks! They were only cartoons, and these are only stories. My philosophy is, if you don’t like watching people eat disgusting piles of rancid skunk livers, then don’t watch Fear Factor (Note: obscure reference to be updated someday) on TV. So please don’t call me up in the middle of the night and curse my mother because you didn’t care for the way a story ended, or because one of the slutty characters was named Grizelda and your sister is named Grizelda. Take it from me. I never knew your sister. I never knew anyone’s sister.

Ever.

If you just have to, you can alway post a comment. I recognize and respect everyone’s need to be a critic, and where would we be without public opinion? The Bachelor, America’s Stupidest Home Videos, A Gilligan’s Island Reunion and Jerry Springer’s Drunken Idiots and Toothless Whores Speak Out! would never have been possible without the American peoples’ discriminating taste. I look forward to your comments at a reasonable hour of the day.

And, if you find yourself becoming frightened while reading one of the horror stories, just repeat after me, “It’s only a story, it’s only a story, it’s only a story...” You can take comfort in the fact that reading my blog has only killed two people out of hundreds so far, so the odds are with you.

And, thanks again for supporting a struggling artist. I realize that it’s hard to find time to read in these modern times. Sadly, the “information age” has reduced our collective attention spans to seconds.
That’s why these stories are short.

So, read one quick, then go watch a Taylor Swift video on your iPhone.