The Wall



ONE


“This is it,” said Mr. Monkey as he stopped in front of a 7-foot high rectangle of lighter colored wall in the hallway. “Happy birthday, Izzy.”
“This is it,” thought the 5-year old girl standing at his side, who said aloud, “You promised.”
“I promised,” the old man agreed, “I remember. I’m 82, I’m not totally insane yet.”
He reached toward the “door” and a lighter colored rectangle about 7 inches square appeared at its side. The man placed his palm on the area and it appeared to sink about one fourth of an inch into the wall. The edges shimmered, grew brighter momentarily, and then the wall was simply gone.
“Go ahead, don’t be afraid.”
Isabel was momentarily crestfallen when she stepped through the opening. “It’s just an empty room.”
“An ‘empty room’ wouldn’t have a chair in it,” said the Monkey Man, “If you want to get technical.”
“But I imagined more,” the girl complained.
“You haven’t begun to imagine, dear. Have a seat.”
When she sat down, her feet were a good 12 inches off the floor. It meant nothing to her. She couldn’t touch the ground in any of the grown-up chairs.
The man smiled. “Here, take this,” and he handed her an oval object about 5 inches long that looked like it was crafted out of some kind of exotic multicolored stone. As she held it, the rock began to get warmer and glow. Her fingers sank into its surface just like the man’s hand on the door patch. The wall facing her chair begin to get brighter and brighter and then it exploded in a brilliant flash of light before dimming back to its normal wall-state.
“That’s it ?” girl queried.
“That’s it.”

TWO
“That’s it,” Isabel said when she finally found the letter buried under a pile of advertisements for hemorrhoid cream and dollar-off prune danish coupons on her dining room table. She hadn’t had time to read it yet, as she was just running out the door to go jogging with a friend when the mail came. The girl was curious as a cat. You don’t get registered letters from faraway law firms every day. But her friend Kim was waiting for her in the driveway, so she’d just signed for it, tossed everything and ran, ran, ran.
Now, freshly showered and plopped down on her couch, she contemplated the envelope with an embossed return address proclaiming, “David Espacio & Associates, Attorneys at Law, Miami-Dade Counties, Florida. “Who do I know in Florida?” she wondered. Slipping her index finger beneath the flap, she zipped it open and removed the singe sheet of 100% Cotton Laid Business Paper within.
_________________________________________
Dear Ms. Giardio,
As you may (or may not) know, After an individual dies, all assets of the decedent must be transferred out of his or her name. Assets that are jointly owned, have a beneficiary designation or that are payable on death, do not have to go through probate. Such is the case of one Vincent P. Monakhe, and as his attorney of record, I have the duty to inform you of his passing, as well as the fact that you have been designated as his sole beneficiary. We would like to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss the ramifications involved and have enclosed an open-ended voucher for a round-trip airline ticket, redeemable at your convenience. Contact information follows, we look forward to seeing you soon. Blah, blah, blah, and seven paragraphs of legalese followed.
_________________________________________

Vincent P. Monakhe?
Mr. Monkey!

THREE
Mr. Monkey, it turns out, had left Isabel his house and enough money that she wouldn’t have to work for the rest of her life if she didn’t feel like it. Unbelievable! He was just this nice old man who she liked to visit when she was a little girl. He moved away before she turned seven, and aside from Christmas and birthday cards, Izzy hadn’t had any contact with him since. Her family had moved out of the ‘hood when she was twelve, and truth be told, she could barely remember him at all. He was too old for Facebook (Ewww! My parents are on Facebook!), Snapchat, Vine, Tumblr or any of the other social media apps that are the indispensable tools of life for young girls, and anyway, Isabel had been too busy growing up and going to school and dancing and kissing boys and doing all those so very important things that young women have to do between the ages of five and twenty five. And now, here she was, owner of the little red bungalow on the corner of Vincent and Chestnut.

FOUR
The little red bungalow on the corner of Vincent and Chestnut stood before her, just as she had remembered it, though it seemed a lot smaller somehow. Funny how everything shrinks as you get older (including yourself). That enormous sledding hill you went careening down in first grade? Eight feet high. That impossibly steep cliff honeycombed with “Indian Trails” you used to play capture the flag on during family picnics? Actually just a ditch. That towering statue of Paul Bunyan? About ten feet tall.
Izzy stood contemplating the front door, hoping some answers might lie behind. The worse-than-useless lawyer in Florida didn’t know squat. “So sorry, Ms. Giardio. All he left were instructions to allow you to access his remaining accounts, pay all the inheritance taxes and give you this house key. I don’t even know what arrangements he made for his remains, if any.” What arrangements, indeed? Isabel had asked around at all the local funeral homes and had even called the county coroner. No one knew what had become of the Monkey Man’s remains or if there even were any. He just up and vanished like a fart in a stiff wind.
The girl took a deep breath, exhaled, slipped the key into the lock and walked through the door. The house was still fully furnished, and Mr. Monkey must have made some kind of arrangement with a housekeeper because there wasn’t a speck of dust or cobweb to be found. There was even food (all good) in the refrigerator and pantry. More arrangements had been made it would seem. Izzy made a mental note to check with the attorney to see what else she might expect. It seems he hadn’t been completely forthcoming with her.
She walked through the house, peeking in closets, checking under the beds, opening doors. She paused in the hallway before the door-sized area of lighter paint, puzzled. She’d seen stuff like that before where a painting had been removed after hanging for years and the sunlight had faded the wall around it leaving a dark square of original paint behind to testify to its absence. But this area was lighter. And huge. What could have caused that? A bookcase, maybe...but in the middle of a hall?
“Huh,” she said to the wall, and continued her inspection tour. She slept well that night and dreamed of a bright light flooding her room.

FIVE
The bright light flooded her room as Isabel awoke and looked at her phone. Eleven o’clock! She just had time to throw some clothes on and make a quick swipe across her face with a washcloth before the doorbell rang. “Ophelia Johnson,” said the smartly dressed lady on the doorstep, “ReMax Realty. You must be Ms. Giardio.”
“I must be,” Izzy agreed, “Please call me Isabel.”
Twenty minutes later, walkthrough completed, the Realtor said, “Well, we won’t have any problem selling this house, it’s extremely clean, although the architecture is a bit unusual for the Twin Cities. This house looks like it belongs in the desert southwest, not the frozen tundra. Luckily, Bryn Mawr has always been an ‘easy-sell’ with its neighborly atmosphere and close proximity to downtown. Normally, I’d advise you to declutter, remove personal photos and eclectic items, etcetera, but it looks like you’ve already done that.”
Izzy had already noted that there wasn’t a single photo of the Monkey Man or any of his family anywhere in the house, but she wasn’t surprised. After all, he hadn’t lived here for the better part of two decades. She wondered why he hadn’t sold it long ago, but assumed it must have held some sort of sentimental value for him. Why he had passed it on to her was as big of a mystery as ever.
“The only thing we’ll need to do is repaint that faded hallway,” “Ah’ll feel yer” Johnson said, and Izzy fought back a snicker. “I can have a crew out here tomorrow.”
“...a crew out here tomorrow,” seemed a little excessive to paint one hallway, but Izzy agreed. The sooner it was done, the sooner she could go home.
“I imagine you might be anxious to return home,” the Realtor said, “But I might advise staying through the first showing this weekend if you can. Houses in this neighborhood sell extremely quickly. After they list, I’ve often had multiple offers on the next day.”

SIX
The next day, Izzy decided to go for a walk through the nearby woods while the painters did their thing. She remembered playing there when she was little, running the paths, skipping rocks on the pond, playing in the “little house in the big woods” her father had constructed for her out of tree branches and scrap wood. Its collapsed remains were still there, broken teacups and small wooden chairs missing a leg scattered about. Standing quietly in front of her childhood haunt she would have sworn she could hear girlish squeals and giggles echoing in the wind.
When she returned, her “other” house smelled pleasantly of fresh paint. Isabel busied herself making lunch, and then left to do some shopping at the nearest mall. Later that night, as she walked to the bedroom, the young woman stopped dead in the middle of the hallway. Fresh paint or not, there on the wall and just as noticeable as before stood the door-sized rectangle. If anything, it was even brighter than before. “Aaaargh!” she grumbled. “I’ll have to get those fool painters back tomorrow! Just look at that!”
And look at it she did. Its edges seemed to be faintly glowing. As she stood facing it, knees wobbly, she felt a strange “pull” and a distinct sense of deja vu. She extended her arm, almost as if in a dream, and another smaller, glowing rectangle appeared. “I’ve done this before,” she whispered and reaching out, tentatively placed her palm on the square.

SEVEN
Izzy reached out and placed her palm on the square, impossibly feeling her hand sink into the wall. The “door” (which actually was a door) instantly melted away and she stepped into the room. White walls. White floors. White ceiling. There were no lights visible, the entire room seemed to emit a soft glow. And, in the center, a massive white chair that looked like it had been sculpted out of fine marble. “Now, that’s gotta be comfortable,” she thought sarcastically. But she sat down on it anyway. What else would you do in an empty (not really empty) room with only one chair? It was every bit as uncomfortable as she had imagined a marble chair would be. She noticed the colorful oval-shaped stone resting on the chair’s arm and, after a second’s introspection, inserted it into the oval-shaped hole where it was obviously meant to go.
Oval stone and chair instantly softened and warmed and Izzy sank a couple inches into the most comfortable chiseled rock La-Z-Boy ever. Whoooaaa! It conformed perfectly to her body yet instantly returned to its hard, squared-off appearance when she lifted her arm. The wall she was facing began to glow, becoming ever brighter, until suddenly it expanded and the whole room was awash in a brilliant light.
It soon dimmed and as color returned, Izzy found herself floating in mid-air, nearly one thousand feet above a small village. “OH, MY GOD!” she screamed. But she wasn’t falling, she was flying and it was exhilarating! Then, her body (was it really her body? No. Her viewpoint - there was no body in evidence) decided to swoop down to the town below, skimming the trees, and HOLY SHIT! she was rushing directly into the side of a house. She opened her mouth to scream again, but before she could, she passed painlessly through the wall and found herself floating near the ceiling inside the bedroom of a four year-old boy. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he was playing with something, but Izzy couldn’t see what. Just then, his mother(?) called to him and the boy ran out of the room, leaving behind a small plastic dinosaur. Ankylosaurus, Izzy thought, armored back and knobby tail. Her brother had had one just like it and was always sticking it in her face. Boys! Annoying! (That’s redundant.) Then, the room began to retreat, and Izzy found herself floating in mid-sky again.
As the strangeness and possible danger of her situation began to gain space in her brain and push the amazement to one side, Izzy began to wonder, “How the hell do I get out of here?” Instantly, a pink translucent square appeared to hover in the air in front of her. When she placed her palm on it (OK, thought about placing her palm on it) the world faded and she again found herself sitting in the white room.
She exhaled for about ten minutes. Wow! That was the best Disney ride ever!
Izzy removed the stone oval from its resting place and thought about her next step. What should I do now? What should I don’t?

EIGHT
DON’T SELL THE HOUSE! she told Ahll feel yer Johnson. It’s just all too much, too soon. The Realtor grumbled to herself, but it wasn’t the first time a client had gotten cold feet and backed out. She’d have another fish on the hook tomorrow.

NINE
Tomorrow was slow in coming for Izzy, who had spent the night staring at the ceiling, heart racing. 156 speckled white ceiling tiles. Four orange ladybugs and one UFI (unidentified flying insect.) When daylight finally arrived, she showered and set about making breakfast; scrambled eggs with chives and goat cheese. She sat at the little kitchen table covered by a standard-issue red checkerboard tablecloth and poured herself a glass of two-percent milk. Screw you, osteoporosis! As she ate her food, she gazed around the house which was feeling ever more familiar to her and basked in the morning sunshine streaming through the eastern-facing window. Not a single dust mote floated in the shaft of light, but that’s not the kind of thing most people notice unless they’re specifically looking for it, and she didn’t. What she did notice, however, was the gallon of milk occupying the space behind her glass.
Her eyes drifted to the blue text imprinted on its label. Its expiration date was 1999.
“That’s impossible,” she thought, and proceed to pull out the carton of eggs, container of butter and package of bacon as well as a dozen boxes and cans from the cupboards. They all had freshness dates or manufactured dates from the same pre-millennium year. But nothing was stale. The bread was as soft and moist as if it had just come out of the oven the day before. She sniffed the bacon. It smelled like bacon. She cautiously tasted the olives which tasted like olives. The butter was as soft and yellow as the day it was churned.
“Huh,” she said for the second time.

TEN
The second time she sat in the chair (technically the third time) the wall took her to some foreign land. Izzy didn’t recognize the language at all...not Germanic, not Scandinavian, not Russian, but the people were Caucasian...possibly Slavic or Eastern European of some sort. She “flew” down to a mountainside meadow where a shepherd sat in the shade of an olive tree cuddling a sheep and talking into its ear. “WHAT THE...” was all she had time to sputter and then in a fast-forward blur of color the scene shifted. Now she was in London (she recognized Big Ben in the distance) and a hackney carriage was discharging its occupants. As the couple stepped out, the man’s wallet fell out on the street. The cabby scooped it up, stuck it under his overcoat and hastily drove off.
“Hey! You assho...!” Izzy yelled, but it was too little, too late. She was already floating above a sprawling city slum. Tin shacks and makeshift hovels lined the narrow streets that were baking in a tropical sun. The scene blurred. Fishing wharf. Blurred again.
She was in a room that seemed familiar, and after a second, Izzy recognized it as the dinosaur boy’s bedroom. This time, he was happily building a rocket ship (or dump truck, or elephant - it was kind of hard to tell) out of Legos. In the background, the TV was on and Big Bird was musically teaching the young world how to blow their nose or something. Izzy was curious to know what the rest of the boy’s house looked like, and found that if she imagined herself leaning forward and drifting through the doorway it actually happened. She flew into the hall and down the stairs and, oops! right through the wall at the bottom. This was going to take some practice! She had landed in the kitchen, where a thirty year-old woman in a yellow sun dress was bending down and removing a Sarah Lee raspberry pie from the oven. Izzy could feel the heat wash over her and when the woman crossed the room and set the pan on the windowsill to cool, she could smell the raspberries and sugar. Back in the white room her mouth began to water.
Suddenly, the viewpoint whirled about and Izzy was whisked back up the stairs into the boy’s bedroom. Apparently, there was something the wall wanted her to see. She looked around the bedroom. Nothing but model cars and coloring books. A toy train in the corner, a kiddy-karaoke box on the bookshelf. Baseball glove on the unmade bed with rumpled Buzz Lightyear sheets. And then Izzy’s viewpoint rotated and she drifted over to the window. Sidewalk. Trees. A brownstone across the street, where, standing in a second floor window was a man peering through a pair of binoculars. Looking directly through her and into the boy’s room.

ELEVEN
The boy’s room and the street scene and the whole world faded as the brownstone was washed away in a bloom of white brightness and then Izzy was home. “NO! I’ve got to go back!” But the chair had returned to marble. Apparently the wall was done with her for the day. She determined that she’d try again later.

TWELVE
Later that afternoon, Izzy went for another walk in the woods. The little finger of forested land that extended to her house was connected to a much larger section of Wirth Park, a mostly “wild” area (in the sense that it was just woods, no mowed lawns or landscaped flora) smack-dab in the heart of Minneapolis. Established in 1889, the park currently occupies 759 acres, which is 90% of the size of New York City’s Central Park. It isn’t rare to walk its trails for the whole afternoon and never see another person as long as you stay away from the more popular areas like the wildflower garden. But it was the weekend, and there were a few people and pets sharing the land with her.
“Izzy? Isabel Giardio?!” That voice was familiar. “Oh. My. Gawd. I haven’t seen you in like, forever!”
“Ashley Wilson, as I live and breathe!” Isabel exclaimed, using a phrase she’d picked up from her grandmother (she was tempted to add, “Land’s sake!” but judiciously refrained.)
“What are you doing here?” they both shouted together, and promptly hooked their little fingers together (because that’s what you do when you both say something in unison.)
I still live here.
I just inherited a house!
I’m working for General Mills.
No, no boyfriend - boy’s just stick dinosaurs in your face!
What?
Laugh.
I got married to Greg Holmberg right after high school (had to - I’ve gotta be the most fertile woman on the planet. We only did it once, and he even pulled out!)
O. M. G. Have I got something to show you, swear to God!

THIRTEEN
“Swear to God on your mother’s grave you’ll never tell anyone about this!” Izzy said in a conspiratorial voice. “I barely believe it myself.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
Properly sworn to secrecy, the girls walked into the house on Vincent Avenue, but when they arrived at the center of the hall, there was nothing to see but blank wall. “I don’t get it,” Izzy complained, “There should be a door to a room here. An amazing room!” And then in a hushed voice she added, “I think it’s some kind of alien technology. You know, like Star Wars shit.”
“You are too funny, Izzy! You always were the craziest of any of us. A secret room! In the six inch wall space between the dining room and the bedroom, I suppose, although I did see something like that in Men In Black once! Better be careful who you tell or they’ll wipe your memory!”
I know where your room is! Like we always said, ‘Only to be found in Isabel’s imagination!’ “

FOURTEEN
“ ‘Isabel’s imagination’ my ass!” Izzy fumed, but she had learned a valuable lesson. This knowledge probably wasn’t for public consumption. At least not if she wanted to stay out of the booby hatch! (Another one of grandma’s favorite expressions.)
She hustled down to the white room, sat down, plugged in and announced, “Take me to the dinosaur boy’s room!”
The room went white, the sky filled its place and Isabel was flying.
But the dinosaur boy’s room was in a city, and Izzy was soaring over cornfields, rapidly approaching a small town. Apparently, the wall was a bit resistant to being ordered around. As she skimmed toward the town, Izzy was sure to check the name on the water tower as she passed by. BOSWELL. Wherever the heck that was. Corn country. That narrowed it down a little. Motion stopped above the fields at the confluence of a drainage ditch and a creek south (judging by the setting sun, west was on her right hand side) of town where two men stood arguing.
“...matter what you say, you ignorant pissant!” the man with the scruffy beard yelled.
“Screw you, a deal is a deal!” countered the man in the torn overalls.
“I’ll have my money back or there’ll be hell to pay!” Scruffy shot back.
“Eat me!”
“Not hungry, just had yo’ momma!”
That was too much for Overalls, who really was a bit too fond of his momma. He screamed some indecipherable farmer curse and charged Scruffy. Well, “charged” may be too strong of a word... “lumbered toward” would be more descriptive. Scruffy easily sidestepped the oncoming mass and plunged a large buck knife into the man’s kidneys as he chugged by.
“Oof!” went Overalls, who skidded to a face-down stop in the mud. Blood was rapidly soaking through the back of his shirt and pants.
“Out! Let me OUT!” Izzy screamed as she watched Scruffy walk over and withdraw the knife, wiping it off on Overall’s shirt. “Serves ya right, ya cheating bastard!” Scruffy hissed as he walked off, leaving his associate choking and twitching.
Izzy jammed her hand into the pink square as hard as she could imagine when it finally appeared.

FIFTEEN
It appeared this would be easier than she thought. Izzy had dashed to her laptop as soon as the wall went white. “Boswell” + “Town” had yielded only a handful of hits, primarily in Indiana, Oklahoma and Pennsylvania. The corn said “Indiana,” and a quick glance at Google Maps confirmed it. There, in full color, on her computer screen was a bird’s eye view of the ditch and creek for all to see. A second Google search got her the number for the Benton County Sheriff in nearby Fowler.
“There is a man dying near the intersection of Gilles Ditch and Goose Creek south of Boswell,” Izzy told the woman who answered the phone. “Hurry! He’s hurt badly! There’s a lot of blood!” And then she hung up.
“Really,” she thought, “What more could I do?”

SIXTEEN
“What more could I do?” Izzy wondered. She’d have to think ahead, because it looked like this kind of thing would more than likely happen again. I can’t just dial the cops and say, “Hey! Calling from Minneapolis 514 miles away and my magic wall just showed me a possible murder!” The more she thought about it, the more Izzy was convinced that the fewer people that were in on what was going on in the magical room (that couldn’t possibly be where it was) the better. Like many people, Isabel was justifiably paranoid about sharing anything with any government agency, let alone the agencies that would logically be the ones that would be interested in such technology. CIA, FBI, NSA, and all the other “alphabet” agencies that no one knows exist. No rational person would voluntarily get into bed with any of them. That’s the kind of thing that gets you “disappeared.”
She also felt that there must have been a reason that the Monkey Man had chosen her. (She never would have guessed that it was actually the wall that had done the choosing.) She could do good with what had been given her. But how?
“I’m going to have to formulate a plan to stay anonymous,” Izzy thought, and just then her cell phone rang.
“Isabel Giardio?”
“Yes.”
“Ms. Giardio, this is Deputy Topp with the Benton County Sheriff’s Office. Would you care to explain how a person in Minneapolis comes to report a homicide only minutes after it happened in Fumbuck, Indiana?”

SEVENTEEN
Indiana Jones would have been proud of her ability to get out of that one. There wasn’t exactly a myriad of possible explanations that would stand up to more than a minute’s worth of scrutiny. “Drone footage I randomly saw on the Internet?” Really? Quite a coincidence. What was the web address? Show us your browser history. “An anonymous phone call from a co-conspirator to a wrong number?” Easily checked. “Witnessed by an old friend who called me wondering what to do?” Hand over the name or you’re guilty of obstructing justice; he or she is an eyewitness to a felony.
In the end, Izzy simply told them, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you officer.”
“Try me.”
“OK. You asked for it. The answer is simple. My mother was a psychic, as well as my grandmother before her. I’ve always had the ability to randomly “see” things that I couldn’t always explain, and this is one of those “things.” I saw that man attacked in a vision, I swear to God!”
“A vision.”
“That’s right. I told you you wouldn’t believe me. But how else could I know these things? I’m sure you’ll check my phone records and Internet history, if you haven’t already. You’ll find I have absolutely no connection to anyone or anything in Indiana. It sounds fantastic, but it’s true!”
“You can be sure we will check on those things Ms. Giardio. Very, very thoroughly. For your sake, I hope you are telling what you believe to be the truth, although I myself am skeptical, because if we do find a link, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes! Lucky for you we have other evidence in this case. I guess I wouldn’t hold my breath on being called as a ‘witness’ if there ever is a trial. Somehow I doubt the D.A. will want ‘I saw it in a dream, your honor!’ coming out on the stand.”
The second that she hung up, Izzy jumped in her car and drove to Best Buy where she purchased a half-dozen prepaid cell phones. With cash. She’d watched Homeland enough to know that’s how the spies did it. She’d remove the battery and throw them in a public trash bin after one use.
When she got home she collapsed on the couch. “Whew! That was close!”

EIGHTEEN
“That was close, but no cigar,” the man growled and slapped the blonde woman’s face hard. She was nude, gagged and bound with several feet of nylon rope and sported an assortment of bruises on her arms and thighs. “Lady, when I’m finished with you, you’ll be crying for mercy.” He spat, crossed the room, picked up a four-foot long bamboo stick and began to strike the writhing woman’s bottom, raising angry red welts. She whimpered and cried out in pain with each strike.
Izzy desperately looked around for a clue as to the whereabouts of the room they were in. It was obviously a basement, concrete block walls and stairs that led up to a door with a padlock dangling loosely from its hasp. An assortment of whips, handcuffs and clamps hung from the cobwebby ceiling. A real torture chamber. It looked as if the wall was showing her the next Ted Bundy, who proceeded to drag the woman across the room and drape her over what looked like a gymnastics pommel horse. A battery charger sat on a table nearby and the clamps on the ends of its jumper cables shot sparks and crackled as the man advanced menacingly toward his hapless victim. He laughed maniacally.
Needing information to help guide the authorities in apprehending this monster, Izzy flew to the small window and was frantically looking about for a landmark when she heard the woman say, “Shit, Roger. Loosen these ropes a little! I’ll never be able to get you off if I don’t have any sensation in my hands! And make sure that charger is turned down low! After the last time, I didn’t have any feeling in my ass for three days! I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going!”

NINETEEN
Going on three days later, Izzy saw the dinosaur boy again. His name was Timmy, and he lived in Portland, Oregon. Izzy even knew his address, which was printed on an electricity bill his mom (Catherine Oswald) had left out on the desk. His father was in the merchant marine and was out to sea for the next two months. The wall had allowed her to spend an entire afternoon hovering about his apartment, and she was even able to follow him down the block to the neighborhood playground, where he spent an hour moving a pile of pebbles from one side of a sandbox to the other.
She never saw so much as a glimpse of the binoculars man from across the street, and then it was time to go home.

TWENTY
It was time to go home. Isabel had been living in Madison, Wisconsin ever since she graduated from the UW, working in the travel office of the university. Not exactly what a young lady with a BS in physics had hoped for, but a job was a job. And the BS turned out to be just that. Supply far exceeded demand if you didn’t have a PhD behind your name. Luckily, the Monkey Man and his money had rendered it all a moot point.
She hopped on Interstate 94 and headed east through the rolling hills and lush green farmland of the Badger State.
Once home, she stopped at the office to pick up her last check and say goodbye to everyone. She’d already called and broken the news that she was quitting a week earlier and everyone wished her well. University employers were used to their younger workers moving on. It was practically a job requirement.
She paid her landlord the three month penalty for breaking her lease and spent the next two weeks cleaning the house, boxing up her belongings and having a garage sale to get rid of the rest. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure – it was all gone within two days. College towns devour cheap furniture. She got a trailer hitch installed on her car and rented a U-Haul trailer with a painting of an armadillo on the side, originally from  Alamagordo, New Mexico!
It only took two hours to carry her boxes out and stack them in the trailer, then she locked the house, dropped the keys in the mail, and was back on the road, this time headed west.
By the time she got to Eau Claire, Izzy wearied of the limited musical selection the radio had to offer and switched to a news station. All they were talking about was the brazen abduction of a young boy in Portland, Oregon.
A young boy named Timothy.

TWENTY ONE
“Timothy Oswald! You WILL show me Timmy!” Isabel screamed at the wall before she sat down and plugged in to the marble chair.
Izzy crossed her fingers and hoped the wall might be cooperating as the room dissolved into blue sky and she found herself sinking toward a medium-sized city. Paying close attention to landmarks, there was an Interstate crossing between two metro areas, one larger than the other. It looked like she was heading toward the smaller town which sat on the shore of a fairly large lake. The entire city was surrounded by foothills with mountains in the distance behind the larger burg.
The area she was dropping into was a fairly new development, with winding roads and cul-de-sacs, not the standard rectangular blocks that were a staple of years gone by city planning. When Izzy finally wound up closing in on a house, it was an older two story, built long before its more modern neighbors. There were several tin-roofed sheds, and an assortment of pickup trucks, rusted out refrigerators and stacks of lumber, pipes and other detritus surrounding the house and a vacant lot next door. The lake was about one hundred yards away, hidden by a swath of trees.
The house wasn’t her destination, though, as Izzy breezed on by and found herself inside a travel trailer parked in a shed. Faux wood paneling lined its walls, a counter ran along one side stacked with  cans of food; chili, mac & cheese and spaghetti-O’s.
On the linoleum floor at one end sat a young boy, chained to a steel ring in the floor and gagged, but still breathing.
His head jerked up and his eyes went wide when a half dozen metal pipes crashed to the ground outside the door. A key was inserted into the lock, the door opened, and binoculars man stepped into the trailer.

TWENTY TWO
“Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let, fifty cents. No phone, no pool, no pets, I AIN’T GOT NO CIGARETTES!” the man sang in the very worst Roger Miller impression ever. “What?” he said, looking at the boy. “You never heard good music before?” He pronounced heard, “heered.” “We’ll have plenty of music later. This might be your special day, but I am King of the Road and the king is ready to par-tee! We’ll get us some whiskey and take a few photos and then we’ll have us some real fun.”
“But then, I’m afraid, you’ll have to go away. You’re just to dangerous to have around. A loose end. Can’t have any loose ends.”
“Aww, don’t cry, I’ll make it fast.”

TWENTY THREE
“Make it fast! Let me out!!” Izzy commanded the wall. “LET. ME. OUT! I’ve got to call the police.” She didn’t care whether they could trace it back to her or not, though she was pretty sure it would be “not” given her anonymous cell phones. Somehow she would convince them. She had to.
But no pink square appeared.
“Of course! I have to know where this is!” she thought and “leaned” toward the door. The wall cooperated and Izzy drifted out of the trailer and down the driveway. At the end she found a mailbox with the number 2657 on it. Across the road was a street sign. W ORCHARD AVE.
But where? I don’t know the city!
And then she was being pulled across the street toward a house down the block. Maybe some mail she could read? That had worked before. But instead she flew over and stopped before an old woman working in her garden.
“What’s this?” she nearly shouted, “She can’t hear or see me! This is futile! I’ve got to find out where we are and get back home! Don’t you understand? His life depends on it! His life depends on me!”
But nothing happened...until...
A green square appeared in the air before her, and when Izzy “placed” her hand on it it began to glow.  Then she began to glow.
The old woman looked up and gasped, “An angel!”
“What?” Izzy said, “Can you see me?”
“See me...” the woman said.
“You can hear me?!”
“Hear me...an angel!” she whispered.
“An angel?” Izzy wondered, and then, “YES! An angel! I am an angel sent from God to give you this message! You must trust and obey.”
“Obey...an angel.”
“Yes! Listen to me carefully! Have you seen the boy on the news? On the TV? The boy who was kidnapped in Oregon. He’s here. He’s in a trailer that’s in that shed across the street! You have to call the police! You have to get help!”
“Help,” the old woman said, “An angel...HELP!”
Instantly, Izzy felt the glow dissipate and cool return. Invisible again.
“Mom, are you OK?” a younger woman asked as she poked her head out the door. “What’s wrong?”  She ran to the garden and helped the old lady to her feet.
“Help,” the woman said, “My angel...”
“It’s OK mom. Come on, let’s get you inside. You need to lie down and I’ll make you some tea.”
“My angel...”
“Yes, Mom. I’m your angel. Let’s go inside.”
“No!” Izzy cried, “We’ve got to get help!”

TWENTY FOUR
“We’ve got to get help for you, Mom.” the daughter said, “come in and lie down.”
She guided her mother to the door as Izzy watched helplessly.
“I give up. Show me the square. Let me go.”

TWENTY FIVE
“Let me go!” the old woman said and jerked free of the hand on her arm. “The boy! The boy on TV!”
“What boy Mom?”
“The boy on TV. We saw him. I saw him.”
“The boy that was kidnapped? What? You saw him?”
“In the shed. In a trailer. THERE!” and she pointed across the street.
“Mom, are you sure?”
“I SAW HIM!”
“OK, Mom, I believe you.” She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and dialed 911. “Hello, police? I need to talk to someone right away. It’s about that little boy that’s been on the news. The one who was kidnapped.”
“I saw him,” the old woman said, “My angel.”

TWENTY SIX
“Angel food cake, for my little angel,” Izzy said, “Four years old! It seems like only yesterday you moved in across the street. You know, that used to be my house when I was a little girl.”
“A little girl?”
“Of course, Amelia. I wasn’t always eighty-one! In one more year I’m going to show you something wonderful. Something that will change your life! It’s sure changed mine. It showed me who you are. It’s showed me a lot of things.”
She didn’t say a lot of bad things. But then, she didn’t say a lot of good things either.
She didn’t say how she had seen the old man hiding money beneath his floorboards every week when he cashed his social security check. She didn’t say he’d been doing it all his life and that he died alone, without any heirs.
She didn’t say there were women, men and children all over the world who suddenly had the police or rescue teams or a neighbor mysteriously show up on their doorstep exactly when they were most needed.
She didn’t say the wall had shown her a wonderful man who lived in her city. A man who took her breath away, and would never stick a dinosaur in her face.
She didn’t say the first time she met him she knew “this is it.”

TWENTY SEVEN
“This is it,” said Itsy Bitsy as she stopped in front of a 7-foot high rectangle of lighter colored wall in the hallway. “Happy birthday, Amelia.”
“This is it,” thought the 5-year old girl standing at her side, who said aloud, “You promised.”
“I promised,” the old woman agreed, “I remember. I’m 82, I’m not totally insane yet.”
She reached toward the “door” and a lighter colored rectangle about 7 inches square appeared at its side. The woman placed her palm on the area and it appeared to sink about one fourth of an inch into the wall. The edges shimmered, grew brighter momentarily, and then the wall was simply gone.
“Go ahead, don’t be afraid.”
Amelia was momentarily crestfallen when she stepped through the opening. “It’s just an empty room.”
“An ‘empty room’ wouldn’t have a chair in it,” Isabel said. “If you want to get technical.”
“But I imagined more,” the girl complained.
“You haven’t begun to imagine, dear.”


AUTHOR’S NOTE
I thought of the basic premise of this story a couple months before I was able to start writing it. Luckily, a vacation in Florida afforded me hours of doing nothing but sitting in the sun and contemplating the various plot points I needed to flesh it out. Most of the story was written on my iPad, which, lacking a keyboard, was a bit of an adventure. As always, I had no idea where the story was headed when I started writing. I just knew there was a “room” that was going to show stuff to someone. “Mr. Monkey” appeared before I knew that his real name was Monakhe. The best part of writing for me, is discovering what the story wants me to know as I begin to get into it. I didn’t know the ending until I was halfway through and then it came to me.  Of course, the tale would come full circle and end exactly as it had begun with Isabel passing her knowledge on to Amelia in the same exact way she had gained it. Starting each chapter with the last chapter’s ending was just a fun exercise in writing (I think it worked OK , and by happy accident it reinforces the whole story’s end=beginning thing.) Along the way, I dropped the idea that the Monkey Man and his whole house had been transported (somehow) from Roswell, New Mexico (home of a suspected alien spaceship crash and subsequent government cover-up.) I thought it worked better leaving that part a mystery, although it is alluded to a couple of times. I also dropped two or three of Izzy’s excursions from the white room – this is supposed to be a short story after all.

The Egg Endures

Farm life means living in close proximity to a menagerie of animals, and we had more than our share – domesticated and wild. From largest to smallest (and this is by no means a complete list) there were cows, sheep, a dog, badgers, raccoons, skunks, foxes, opossums, cats, rats, squirrels, weasels & mice...turkeys, an assortment of exotic pheasants from China, owls, geese, hawks, ducks, chickens and pigeons, plus all manner of other wild varmints and birds. The place literally crawled with things that mostly wanted to a) eat each other or b) avoid being eaten.

Which made it comforting to be at the top of the food chain.

Its something “citified” folks have a hard time wrapping their head around, but on the farm you take that cute little calf, or piglet or chick, feed them, care for them, nurse them when necessary, sometimes even play with them. And when they grow up, they show up on your dinner plate. It’s the circle of life.

Today’s story is about the chickens.

This handsome fellow is called a “houdan” and we had a few of them because my father liked exotic birds of all kinds. But most of the fowl pecking grain and scratching dirt around the yard were just plain old ordinary chickens, and since they ran free one of my chores was to track down the eggs they laid – not as easy a job as you might think since their nests could be anywhere there was a bit of straw...the cow barn had an infinite number of nooks and crannies, as did the half dozen outbuildings and, in the summer, even various spots scattered around the grove and barnyard.

For a couple years we sold the excess eggs to the neighbors as a way to make a few extra bucks – collecting, washing, packaging and bicycling them around on an “egg route.”

One day, I was inspecting a wall of nesting boxes in the sheep barn (which in my grandparents’ day was a chicken house) when I came upon a small Bantam hen...curious, because we didn’t have any Bantam chickens that I knew of. She sat there with a defiant glare in her eyes, head cocked to one side daring me to try to steal her egg. Banties could be like that I’d heard. They were tiny little birds but in their own deluded, pea-sized brains they thought they were as big as an ostrich. Foghorn Leghorn’s chicken hawk suffered from the same delusion – apparently a common malady among domestic and cartoon birds.

I carefully reached out, intending to explore beneath the fowl for an egg, but was immediately chastised by a sharp peck to the back of my hand. Yeeowch! She wasn’t going to give it up easily. A second attempt and she drew blood with her needle-sharp beak. I could have fetched a pitchfork and had shish-kebabbed chicken for dinner, but I decided, “Fine, keep your frickin’ egg,” and moved on to the next nest. Engaging in a battle of wills with a teacup-sized chicken wasn’t on my “to-do” list for the day.

Upon completion of my appointed rounds, as I was leaving the shed I glanced at the offending Banty’s box and was pleased to see that she had apparently wearied of her egg-sitting duties and had vacated the premises. In her place was left a perfectly white egg. A big one, too. I don’t know how that egg came out of that little chicken’s butt.

Yet, there it was, spinning in place, floating about three inches above the straw.

Now, you might think that finding levitating eggs would be a common occurrence on a farm, but you would be wrong. I was just as astonished as anyone might be upon finding an object of any kind floating in mid air (allowances being made for Kresge’s helium balloons and the occasional bloated toad that would drift in from the drainage pond on hot summer days).

I studied the egg for a few minutes from a safe distance, half expecting it to explode or attack or whatever levitating eggs do, and finally said, “Screw it,” and grasped it in my hands. It took a surprising amount of resistance to stop it from spinning, made even more difficult because I was being very careful not to apply too much pressure lest I crack the shell and end up with a sticky albumen/yolk concoction squishing through my fingers. When I finally did get it quieted, it nestled in my hands emitting what I can only describe as an inaudible hum (I could hear it, even though technically there wasn’t any sound that could ever have been recorded) and it immediately leapt a couple inches skyward, floated back to its nesting box and resumed its rotation the
second I released my grip.

Over the next few days, my family grappled with the best course of action to take re: miraculous egg, and eventually settled on a “wait and see” approach. Farm folk don’t go in much for publicity, preferring to analyze ramifications before committing themselves to an action they might later regret. So we watched and waited.

And the egg hummed along.

After a few weeks, we decided that the daily checking-up on our charge in a hot, smelly sheep barn was a less than ideal situation and gently relocated the calcium-shelled orb to the kitchen where proper eggs belonged. There it drifted over to the window and took up station, tumbling end over end, gently bumping into the glass as if it was gazing longingly out at the gas barrel. Later that night, when returning to the house after chores, I opened the door and was immediately engulfed in a buzzing cloud of bumblebees that had filled the room. Not only the standard yellow and black versions, but also purple ones, red and green ones, blue ones(!) – a whole rainbow of teeming angry bees. They wheeled about my head in a kaleidoscopic bee-tornado, and I got zapped a couple times on my legs, wrist and neck before I could beat a hasty retreat out the door. I had to run as far as the mailbox at the end of the driveway before the last tenacious insect gave up the chase and bumbled away. In my haste I’d left the door open, and now watched from a safe distance as the vortex of bees exited the house and dispersed, followed by the egg, which tumbled nonchalantly through the air, crossed the yard and regained its favored base of operations, spinning gleefully three inches above the bottom of its nesting box.

So be it. Whatever (un)natural force was at work there didn’t like to have its routine disturbed.

Over the next few weeks there were an increasingly alarming number of “chicken-related” incidents. The bees would return every time we had scrambled eggs for breakfast – buzzing and bumping noisily against the screen on our dining room window, although thankfully they seemed to lose interest and drift away after the meal was completed. The chickens in general seemed to get more feisty during egg gathering, defending their potential progeny with increasing fervor. I took to wearing heavy leather welding gloves to thwart their mostly ineffective attacks (after all, how much damage can a five-pound chicken really do?) The answer to that no-longer rhetorical question came when we found the remains of a bloody and mangled stray cat seemingly pecked to death in the barnyard. There were a few feathers in his mouth, but he obviously got the worst end of the deal.

Then there was the day we were playing “war” with rotten eggs. Again, for my city friends who don’t know, there’s a reason for the term, “smells like rotten eggs.” Sometimes we would miss finding a nest and the eggs would sit and marinate for weeks in the summer heat. The resulting egg “grenades” produced a smell so foul upon breaking that they could gag a maggot (I haven’t thought of that junior high expression for decades.) Upon discovering this fantastic property, we of course, said, “Hey! Let’s throw them at each other!” They were the ideal armament, having the benefit of being non-lethal (even a shot to the face wouldn’t seriously injure you) yet had the weapons-worthy benefit of carrying that inside-of-a-skunk’s-ass odor. Amazingly, no one barfed, even after sustaining multiple direct hits. Growing up on a farm has a way of immunizing you against even the most eye-watering, disgusting smells.

During the whole run of World-War-Farm the chickens were watching. I saw them poking their pointy little heads around from behind the silo, popping out sporadically from behind a grain bin and staring with their beady little chicken eyes at us from the safety of the rock pile. They seemed relatively unperturbed by our activities until unfortunately (as it would turn out) we ran out of of rancid eggs and turned to the fresh ones as substitute.

The second that first yolk broke the fowl emerged from their hiding places, let out an enraged squawk! and formed a skirmish line in front of the sheep barn. Behind them the Egg (yes, we had taken to capitalizing it by then) spun furiously in the doorway, erratically jerking about and emitting an high-pitched shreik.

What came next, I have documented in my story Leaves and Losses. My dog began to bark and growl. Curious, I walked over to see what was causing his distress. Nothing looked amiss, but I could hear a crackling sound like someone walking through dry leaves – odd, because it was mid July and the nearest dry leaf was somewhere in the Sonoran Desert. Then, with a mighty CRACK! one of the main branches of an enormous maple tree tore loose and fell, limbs and leaves crashing down around me. As it dropped, it clipped the corner of the house sending a seismic shudder through the structure (and in a rather telling comment on my accident-prone nature as a youth, my mother’s first reaction was to look up from her book and say, “What on earth did Joe do now?”)

If the main branch hadn’t missed my head by inches I would have been a foot shorter and six feet under.

When I finally extricated myself from the tangled mass of branches I saw the roosters and hens nod knowingly to each other then turning on their heels, followed the Egg while walking single-file back into the shed.

It was beginning to look like you really didn’t want to fuck with our chickens.

Now, you might think that we had learned our lesson and left the birds to their own devices after that, but you would be wrong (hmm, second time I’ve said that.)

No. Just like a Shakespearian tragedy we decided that we had to reassert our status as masters of the food chain and remind our wayward fowl just who was boss around those parts. So, out came the chicken-catcher (a long wire with a handle on one end and a small u-shaped shepherd’s hook on the other, used for snaring birds by their feet or necks) and the machete.

I won’t go into detail about the carnage that followed, but there is dreadful truth behind the phrase, “Flopping around like chickens with their heads cut off.”

The Egg, of course, didn’t take kindly to the slaughter and ricocheted around howling like a banshee. Then, before the last machete chop had finished echoing off the walls, it emerged from the confines of the sheep barn and hung in the air in front of the door spinning madly. Its pitch began to rise like a siren, and when it reached its crescendo the cow barn burst into flames. Ignoring our own safety, we dashed madly into the barn and and drove the livestock outside before they were roasted alive (not an easy task, as lacking any Frankensteinian reference for “fire...bad,” their little calf brains seemed incapable of realizing their impending doom. They just wanted to stay in their lifelong home, flames be damned.) The blaze shot into the sky one hundred feet high and they said you could see the glow for miles around. Nothing burns like a fifty year-old wooden barn filled with dried hay. By the time the fire engines arrived the only thing left to do was hose down the surrounding buildings so they didn’t catch fire too.

The Egg retreated to its hutch.

After that we threw in the towel. We pragmatically resisted our first impulse to get out the baseball bats and smack the Egg into the next county. It could bob and weave like Muhammed Ali and we figured anything that could cause an entire barn to spontaneously burst into flames could probably do the same to any puny human’s head who might foolish enough to take a swing at it.

These events took place forty years ago. In the intervening years birds have been arriving on our farm from all corners of the country. There are thousands of them now, and believe me, it doesn’t cost chicken-feed to keep them supplied with chicken-feed. They’ve taken over every building, lining the rafters, sitting on the roofs, cocking their heads sideways and glaring down at us with derision as we walk below.

We just let them stay.

We know our place in the food chain.

Into The Dark

The stream we’re following runs along the base of a limestone bluff, weaving in and around its crags and crannies for nearly two miles before disappearing without notice as if into thin air. It’s the first clue that the ground below our feet may hold more than meets the eye.

Southeastern Minnesota is a textbook example of karst topography; a landscape formed from the dissolution of soluble rocks such as limestone, dolomite, or gypsum. The development of karst occurs whenever acidic water (formed as rain passes through the atmosphere picking up carbon dioxide which dissolves in the water) starts to break down the surface of bedrock near its cracks, or bedding planes. As the bedrock continues to break down, its cracks tend to get bigger. As time goes on, these fractures will become wider, and eventually, a drainage system of some sort may start to form underneath. Just such a “drain” had claimed the stream. The water may reappear miles away, perhaps seeping up through the bed of the nearby Root River, or maybe bubbling up in the woods somewhere as an artesian well or just your garden-variety spring.

Two weeks ago, while searching for the delicious but short-lived Morel mushrooms I knew grew in the area I came across a large maple tree that had previously been growing out of the side of the bluff, but was now lying horizontally across the water, a victim of erosion and windstorm. Behind it’s root ball, which was the size of a Volkswagon, was a small opening in the rock out of which blew a steady rush of air. It was the telltale sign of a cave, and a large one at that. Caves “breathe” as the air pressure on the surface changes. A falling barometer will cause the cave to “exhale” just as high pressure will refill the underground passages with outside air. I wiggled into the opening, a gently sloping passage, about shoulder width that twisted and turned for about thirty-five feet before widening enough to allow me to crouch, and eventually opening into a sizeable passage some ten feet high and three feet wide.

My heart was racing. You don’t find an undiscovered cave every day! I and my girlfriend Marie, who shares my love of exploration in general and caves in particular, immediately made plans to return with proper equipment as soon as possible, and that is where my story now picks up.

We come prepared with light caving gear, this is just supposed to be an initial reconnaissance, we’re not planning to push too far or too hard. But even so, we have followed proper caving protocol, and let friends know where we are and when we should be back. You need to fully understand that caves are not “safe” places. You can slip and break bones; you can fall off exposed cliffs or into pits; you can be crushed by falling rocks and collapsing passages; you can get trapped by floods; you can drown; you can get lost or stuck; you can die of hypothermia.

You just never know with caves.

We’ve got ropes, water, GO2 cameras, a little food and are wearing coveralls, boots, kneepads and gloves. It’s cold and muddy in caves, as previously noted. Some folks cave without gloves, but if you do so you’ll probably end up with dry, shriveled hands – cave mud does that. We also have small notebooks and pencils to map our progress and note any interesting leads or features, and, of course hard hats with LED lights, chosen for convenience.

I didn’t bring my old-fashioned carbide lamps which miners (and cavers) have used for generations. These lamps have calcium carbide placed in a lower chamber, the generator. The upper reservoir is then filled with water. A threaded valve or other mechanism is used to control the rate at which the water is allowed to drip into the chamber containing the calcium carbide. By controlling the rate of water flow, the production of acetylene gas is controlled. This, in turn, controls the flow rate of the gas and the size of the flame at the burner, and thus the amount of light it produces. An acetylene gas powered lamp produces a bright, broad light. Many cavers prefer this type of unfocused light as it improves peripheral vision in the complete dark. The reaction of carbide with water produces a fair amount of heat independent of the flame. In cold caves, carbide lamp users can use this heat to help stave off hypothermia.

I wriggle headfirst into the opening I had previously explored and soon reach the widened part of the cave. My partner follows, her waterproof LED lamp glowing in the otherwise impenetrable dark. It is a cool 48 degrees year ‘round in southern Minnesota caves and a lot of passages are dripping wet. This one is a “live” cave, still growing, water still flowing. Water is the lifeblood of a cave, dissolving the limestone here, redepositing it there. When water drips from the ceiling it leaves behind tiny traces of the dissolved rock, which over hundreds and thousands of years, builds up to form stalactites, and on the floor, where the water drips, stalagmites. It might take 100 years to add 1/4 inch of growth to a formation. Growing a cave is slow business.

We walk, crawl, slip and slide along the passageway for a couple hundred meters before coming to the end of the road, or at least the walkable part. The cave continues, evidenced by the air still streaming forth from a horizontal fissure about thirteen inches in height and maybe five feet wide. This is the stuff true cavers live for. The tight squeeze. The chance to push the cave another hundred yards. The possibility of a room with fantastic formations opening up on the other side. But it’s not for the faint of heart.

On January 30, 1925, while trying to discover a new entrance to the system of underground caves that were a popular tourist attraction in Kentucky, 27 year-old Floyd Collins became trapped in a narrow crawlway 55 feet below the surface. A rock had fallen in the tight passageway and lodged against his foot. The reports about efforts to save Collins became a nationwide newspaper sensation, and after four days during which Collins could be brought water and food, a collapse in the cave closed the entrance passageway to everything except voice contact. Collins died of exposure, thirst, and starvation after about fourteen days underground, three days before a dug rescue shaft could reach his position. Collins’s body was recovered two months later.

That story is always in the back of every caver’s mind when they venture underground.

I take off my belt that carries my gear and remove my hardhat. I can see that the space narrows farther in and will soon be too tight to keep them on. In warmer caves, I’ve heard of people taking off all their clothes to slip through a tight spot, but in the cold, wet spaces like this it’s not the best idea. You lose body heat too fast. I slide into the opening, crawling along, gradually inching forward. As I progress, the opening narrows until the only way I can proceed is to exhale and then push on. When I take a breath, my chest expands and I’m wedged in fast.

Ahead, out of the corner of my eye, I can see that the opening widens, and can catch tantalizing glimpses of crystal formations in the room beyond, the prize that will make it all worthwhile. I can hear falling water splashing into a pool(?) underground lake(?) So close and yet so far, but as I said tight spots are all a part of the game. Some would say THE part of the game that counts.

Jewel Cave in the Black Hills of South Dakota is the third largest cave in the world with over 177 miles of mapped and surveyed passages (as of 2015). Barometric airflow can be used to calculate the cave’s volume, leading people in the know to calculate its size at four to five billion cubic feet. The known cave only accounts for about 120 million cubic feet. This means there could be more than 95% of the cave still awaiting discovery, almost all of that in a remote part of the system accessible only after a series of very tight crawls about 1,800 feet long known as “The Miseries.” There are 1,100 feet of Miseries proper, followed by 700 feet of Mini-Miseries. The Mini-Miseries include 200 feet of belly-crawls, and tight spots like the Calorie Counter and the Funny Little Hole. It’s so tight, you have to decide which way you are going to turn your head before going in, because you won’t be able to change orientation until you come out the other side.



By comparison, Mystery Cave, which is Minnesota’s longest cave, has just over 13 miles of known passages. Who knows how big this hole in the ground is? It doesn’t end soon, the airflow tells me that. Mystery Cave is over ten miles away, but given the fractured nature of the rock around here, there’s always a chance that this cave might be connected to that one. There are numerous “leads” too small to crawl through that disappear into the rock and may (or may not) connect to undiscovered passages or the surface. Sinkholes abound in the area, a result of water draining into the earth, creating a cave and then collapsing. Or, they might just eke out a connection to a cave below. Raccoons and other curious surface dwelling creatures often leave footprints and other evidence of their subterranean explorations in parts of caves that don’t seem to have any way in or out.

Exhale, push forward, inhale. Exhale, push forward, inhale. I gradually inch along two feet. Ten. Twenty. And then, the passage finally widens into a room about ten feet across and seven feet tall. I call back to let Marie know and she starts working her way toward me (a little easier for her because she’s not as bulky as me) but it’s still tight. There’s some really nice “cave bacon” flowstone draped along one wall, so named for its resemblance to that porcine foodstuff. Striped because of different minerals being deposited in strips, it’s so thin you can illuminate it from behind and the light shows right through. Water is flowing along the wall at a pretty good clip a little to the right of the formation and when it reaches the bottom it runs across the floor and disappears into a crack. As I said earlier, caves form when water seeps into a fracture in the rock and dissolves the surrounding rock to form a cavern. The original crack is known as the cave’s “lifeline” and can often be seen running along the ceiling (the floor is usually too covered with mud and “breakdown” to show the lifeline below). Depending on the layers of bedrock, a cave may have multiple levels. Sometimes the limestone is sandwiched between harder layers of shale. Sometimes the upper level is created first, and then as the outside river cuts deeper into its bed water flows into the rock at a new, lower level creating a cave below the original cave. Surface water percolating down from above can follow the lifeline and create vertical connections between the different levels. There might be a cave below the room I’m in, or the water might just drain away through cracks. Judging by the rivulet of water vanishing below my feet, some serious erosion is going on here.

Clay Perry, an American caver of the 1940s, wrote about a group of men and boys who explored and studied caves throughout New England. This group referred to themselves as spelunkers, a term derived from the Latin spelunca “cave, cavern, den” itself from the Greek spelynks “cave.” This is regarded as the first use of the word in the Americas. Throughout the 1950s, spelunking was the general term used for exploring caves in US English. It was used freely, without any positive or negative connotations, although only rarely outside the US.

In the 1960s, the terms spelunking and spelunker began to be considered déclassé among experienced enthusiasts. They began to convey the idea of inexperienced cavers, using unreliable light sources and cotton clothing. In 1985, Steve Knutson (editor of the National Speleological Society (NSS) publication American Caving Accidents) made the following distinction: “…Note that I use the term ‘spelunker’ to denote someone untrained and unknowledgeable in current exploration techniques, and ‘caver’ for those who are.”

This sentiment is exemplified by bumper stickers and T-shirts displayed by many cavers:
“Cavers rescue spelunkers.”


The room I am in has some really nice formations, including a grouping of delicate soda straw stalactites hanging from the ceiling near the center. I walk over to take a closer look, they are nearly twelve inches long, maybe 75 or eighty of them in all. Soda straws are formed when water drips off the ceiling and leaves calcium behind just like all cave formations in this area, but these had the distinction of being pencil-thin and hollow, hence the name. The water drips down the inside of them rather than the outside as with most other types of formations. I’ve never seen so many together before, and rarely are they as long as these are. Usually the “straw” plugs up before they can reach too great a length.

As I stand here awestruck by their beauty, I hear a crackling noise from below, and glance down to see a network of cracks in the cave floor radiating out from my feet. Not a good sign, and before I have a chance to register my dismay, the whole floor collapses –sending me tumbling into a crevice below. As I fall, I bounce off the walls, and am struck by several falling boulders, tumble over a couple protruding stalagmites and land hard on a jagged pile of debris maybe thirty feet below. Instantly a piercing pain shoots through my back, and I know I’ve done some serious damage. In college, I was certified as a first-aid instructor, so I know enough to not try moving too much. I remember the story they told about a car accident survivor who was able to move his feet and had normal sensation in his body until a “good Samaritan” came along and dragged him to “safety.” He’s been paralyzed ever since.

My hard hat and lamp have landed on the floor some ten feet away, flooding the area with light. When I look up I can see Marie hurriedly completing the crawl and popping her head out. “Don’t step on the floor!” I call, perhaps stating the obvious. “Are you OK?” she asks. “Don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a serious back injury, but I can still move everything. No way we’re going to get me up and out through that squeeze with just the two of us, though. You’ve got to go for help, and fast.” “You’re sure you’re OK?” “I’m alive. I’m conscious, I’m not bleeding that I can see but I’m probably going into shock. Go get help!”

Realizing that time and cave temperature are not our allies, she replies, “All right” her voice choked with emotion. “Hang on, I’ll be back as fast as I can.” And with that she pops briefly out of the crevasse, turns end for end and wriggles herself back in.

Neurogenic shock is a type of shock (a life-threatening medical condition in which there is insufficient blood flow throughout the body) that is caused by the sudden loss of signals from the sympathetic nervous system that maintain the normal muscle tone in blood vessel walls. Injury to these nerves causes the walls of the blood vessels to relax resulting in slowing of the heart rate or bradycardia which can be fatal. Neurogenic shock is different from spinal shock; the latter means loss of function due to spinal injury which may be temporary or permanent.

I know all that, but knowing doesn’t stop it from happening. And given my situation, there is nothing I can do about it except to stay calm until help arrives. I try to get as comfortable as possible, but every time I adjust my position, a fresh jolt of searing pain courses through my back, so I’ll just lie as still as I can.

I figure fifteen minutes out of the cave, thirty minutes back to the car, twenty minutes into town. Probably an hour - maybe two, maybe three - to round up an experienced cave rescue team...they’ll probably have to gather their gear and come all the way from Rochester...

...but surely Marie will be back sooner than that.

Cave rescue borrows elements from firefighting, confined space rescue, rope rescue and mountaineering techniques but has also developed its own special techniques and skills for performing work in conditions that are almost always difficult and demanding. Since cave accidents, on an absolute scale, are a very limited form of incident, and cave rescue is a very specialized skill, normal emergency staff are rarely employed in the underground elements of the rescue. Instead, this is usually undertaken by other experienced cavers who undergo regular training through their organizations and are called up at need.

Cave rescues are slow, deliberate operations that require both a high level of organized teamwork and good communications. The extremes of the cave environment (air temperature, water, vertical depth) dictate every aspect of a cave rescue. Therefore the rescuers must adapt skills and techniques that are as dynamic as the environment they must operate in.


...but surely Marie will be...down to a bridge by a fountain, where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies...everyone smiles as I drift past the flowers...

Whoa.

Losing focus, got to concentrate.

I’m cold, the light is getting dimmer, and according to my watch I just drifted off into la-la land for two hours. That’s a little disconcerting.

But Marie should be back soon. Help is on the way.

Help is...on...

Blacked out again, but this time I think my body has fought through the shock. I don’t feel so fuzzy-headed, which is good, because I’m going to need my wits about me. The pain is still there in full force, but it’s almost a welcome friend. It hurts so bad but maybe it will keep me sharp.

It’s been five and a half hours since Marie left for help and she’s still not back. Something happened. She slipped and fell. Ran off the road. Got lost in the woods. I’m trying not to think about it, but the minutes are dragging by and it doesn’t look good.

And inevitably, the light goes out completely.

There’s no dark as dark as it gets in a cave. Absolute blackness, you can’t see your hand two inches in front of your face. It’s kind of fun when the tour guide turns off the lights and you experience that total night, but the lights always come back on, right? Well, all I have is the light of my watch, and it’s a cold, blue light. A cold light in a cold night.

In the darkness every sound becomes amplified. Drip-plop, drip-plop, drip-plop, water dribbles from the stalactites. The sound of my own breath roars in my ears. And somewhere off in the bowels of the cave, a scrabbling and scratching, rocks falling. Probably a raccoon. A curious squirrel. If I get desperate enough and he gets close enough, he might end up as my next meal.

Another hour dragged by, and still no sign of help. The initial stages of hypothermia are beginning to set in, but I think that may be the least of my problems. Whatever is making the noises in the depths of the cave must have been sealed in here for ages, and now it’s getting closer. I’m shivering, and it’s not just from the cold. I can hear its labored breathing, a kind of slobbery, wet inhalation. A guttural cough, a low rumbling, growl. Heavy, shuffling footsteps. Closer now. Closer. That’s no raccoon.

And I don’t think he’s the one that’s going to be the meal.